Shema Yisroel

Legend tells that after the Holocaust, R. Yosef Kahaneman zt'l , the Ponevezhe Rov began looking for Jewish children who had survived the war. It was known that some of the children had ended up in...

Drop Your Bags

Thank You Hashem !!

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN
This is one of the nicest e-mails I have seen and is so true:

I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received. '

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.
The angel then said to me, ' This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them. ' I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. 'This is the Acknowledgment Section,' my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed. 'How is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked.

'So sad,' the angel sighed. 'After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments..'

'How does one acknowledge God's blessings? ' I asked.

'Simple,' the angel answered. Just say, ' Thank you, Hashem. '

'What blessings should they acknowledge? ' I asked.

'If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world 's wealthy.'

'And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity. '

'If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day.'

'If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation .. You are ahead of 700 million people in the world. '

'If you can attend a place of worship without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world.. '

'If your parents are still alive and still married ..you are very rare. '

'If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair. '

Ok, what now? How can I start?

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.
Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you care to, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

ATTN: Acknowledge Dept.
'Thank you Hashem, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people with whom to share it. '

If you have read this far, and are thankful for all that you have been blessed with, how can you not send it on???? I thank G-d for everything, especially all my family and friends!!

Why we Have a Happy New Year

One of the most misunderstood concept/fact of our contract with G-d, is the accounting system of our job.

Simply stated, WE DO NOT GET PAID HERE ON THIS WORLD.

When we do Mitzvos on this world it is so that we will get the BENEFITS ON THE OTHER WORLD TO COME.

Meanwhile, if we sin , WE HAVE TO PAY FOR IT ON THIS WORLD.

Now what kind of an accounting system is this ?????

Which is why Hashem in his Infinite Goodness, cleans the books from liabilities each year and again and again, so that we should be able to continue forward and keep building for the future.

That is why we have a Happy NEW year each year again and again.

What do we need to do?

We have to understand and appreciate and use this clean record and feel Hashem's love that he wants us to succeed and begin again and again, and to move forward and not look backward.

Blessing all Jews and mankind to understand and utilize this.

Firsts

Excellent video

3rd World War will last 12 minutes

It's old news about what the Holy Chofetz Chaim said about the 3 world wars to happen before Moshiach will come.

Now what had been also recorded that when the Holy Vilna Gaon discussed this same subject, he said that the 3rd World War will last 12 minutes. At that time of course none understood what he was saying, whereas now we can some.

I say, "some" , because with all the talks about Iran, Saudi Arabia, North Korea having the nuclear capabilities and the craziness to launch and start a world war, are we in the zone of it lasting "12 minutes" ?

Hashem should protect us all from the "Chevlei Moshiach", and we should all be Zocha to a Good New Year.

ELUL RECALL NOTICE

ELUL RECALL NOTICE

Regardless of make or year, all units known as "human beings" are being recalled by the Manufacturer. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named "Adam" and "Eve" resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically termed, "Serious Internal Non-morality," but more commonly known as "SIN."

Some of the symptoms of the SIN defect:

[a] Loss of direction
[b] Lack of peace and joy
[c] Depression
[d] Foul vocal emissions
[e] Selfishness
[f] Ingratitude
[g] Fearfulness
[h] Rebellion
[i] Jealousy

The Manufacturer, Hashem, is providing factory authorized repair service free of charge to correct the SIN defect. He has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. To repeat, there is no fee required. The number to call in for repair in all areas is PRAYER. Once connected, please upload the burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from Hashem into the heart component of the human unit. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Hashem will replace it with:

[a] Love
[b] Joy
[c] Peace
[d] Kindness
[e] Goodness
[f] Faithfulness
[g] Gentleness
[h] Patience
[I] Self-control

Please see the operating manual, TORAH, for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made Himself available to all repaired units through a special internalization function called NESHAMAH, enabling direct monitoring and assistance. Repaired units need only make the NESHAMAH welcome and she will take up residence on the premises.


WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without corrections voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposes the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately result in the human unit being incinerated. Thank you for your immediate attention. Please assist by notifying others of this important recall notice. Have an uplifting Chodesh Elul!

Author (Anonymous)

"Tell me, are you Jewish?"

A fellow goes to the races for the first time and decides to look over the race horses in the paddock before placing his first bet. While there he sees a rabbi standing beside a horse due to run in the first race. The Rabbi is rocking back and forth in prayer.

He notes the number on the horse and for the heck of it puts a two dollar bet to win on the horse. It comes in paying 9-1. Collecting his money he goes down to the paddock and sees the Rabbi praying over another horse, this one due to run in the next race. He puts all his winnings on that horse to win and again he wins.

By the end of the eight race his winnings total over five thousand. He decides the ninth will be his last race. He checks which horse the Rabbi is praying over and places all his money on that horse.

This time things are different. The horse the Rabbi was praying over trailed the field, ending up dead last and all the man's winnings are lost.

He spots the Rabbi, runs up to him, and says, " Rabbi, I do not understand. I watched you pray over horses and I bet and won on every horse you prayed over. That is except on the ninth race. I lost all my money on the horse you were praying over.

The Rabbi looks at the fellow and says, "Tell me, are you Jewish?"

The man responds, "Yes. I am Jewish. I am a member of a reform synagogue."

The rabbi responds, " That's the trouble with the reformed. They do not know the difference between a Brocha and Kaddish.

"Nu, I do that too."

There was once a country doctor that lived in a small village in Poland. He was a very charitable fellow but would let people know it. It once happened that he was riding in his carriage when he chanced upon the Rabbi of the village walking along the road. He offered the Rav a ride, who gladly accepted.

During the trip, the doctor struck up a conversion. "You know," he said, "I never charge poor people who can't afford my services." The rabbi coolly responded, "Nu, I do the same thing." The man was a little taken aback. OK, so the Rav wasn't impressed, but what does he mean? Perhaps he also doesn't charge poor people for his services.

The doctor continued, "Why yes, if someone is too poor to afford medication, I will supply the necessary apothecaries, free of charge." The Rabbi responded, "Nu, I do that too." The doctor did not understand. What medicines did he prescribe? He concluded that there must be instances where the Rav supplied the needs of the poor.

Still trying to impress his passenger, the doctor boasted, "Their are times when I will prescribe a rest trip to a resort. If the poor person cannot afford the trip, I will pay for his trip and the money lost from not working." The Rabbi simply responded, "Nu, I do that too." The doctor could not contain himself. "You mean to tell me that you provide vacations for your congregants?" "Not at all," responded the Rabbi. "What I meant was that I also tell everyone all the good things I do. The bad things, I don't even tell myself."

© 2009 by Herschel Finman

Ari Goldwag: Finally Here

'Let me see if I've got this right.

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:

'Let me see if I've got this right.

'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.
'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.

'You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

'You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . .

I CAN'T PRAY?

'Three Kick Rule'

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.


As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Cowra . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."


When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear.
When you're intelligent, you know which half. .